Feeling grateful

Note: the following post was originally written in June of 2021. For some reason, I never clicked the publish button. Here it is now.

Wow, I can’t believe that it has been almost six months since I have posted an update. The last time I wrote (in January) I had scans coming up in February. Well, those were clean and my next scans are in August. At this point, my doctor feels safe moving my scans back to every six months. I think that is something for which to feel grateful. When I think back to where I was almost three years ago to day when I heard those words “stage 4 melanoma,” when it felt like an impending death sentence, and then I then I think about where I am today, it’s hard to believe. Not that my life has been smooth sailing since then, but at least I have life, which is something many melanomies have lost. Again, Thank You, Universe!

Speaking of thanking the Universe, Lynn and I had an interesting discussion about whether it makes sense to thank (or curse) the Universe for one’s blessings (or lack thereof). I think she was making the case that by putting the focus on something outside on our self, we are denying our own power to create our own story. My point was that the Universe and I are co-creators, and for whatever reason, we (my BFF the Universe and I) have co-created the story of my healing, which is beyond cool. So, thanks!

If that last part sounds a little woo-woo, sometimes we have to embrace the unknown. I’m not a religious person, not in any traditional, organized way, but I do believe that there are things I don’t know, things I may never know, but there are also things that I just have to trust because they resonate with my experience and also with the story I want to create. Maybe call that faith. A cynic could call that wishful thinking. I just know/trust (I wish there were a word in the English language for “knowing” in my gut as opposed to the “knowing” in my brain) that faith was as much responsible for my recovery as the medicine. Thanks!

Have there been bumps in the road? Yep. This is real life, not a fairy tale. I have had diabetes and colitis as a side effect of treatment, I’ve lost two jobs in the last year and a half and both Lynn and I are unemployed, I chose to shelter in place due to Covid for over a year and am just now starting to get out, but we’re both feeling stir-crazy and have periods where we are so flipping angry at our leaders about how this crisis has been handled and angry at ourselves for believing everything we’ve been told, even when we knew they didn’t all make sense at an intellectual or visceral level.

Yeah, bumps. Bumps in the road like lumps in oatmeal. If oatmeal didn’t have lumps it would be oatmeal, it would be mush, right? I guess life is like that. Maybe. So thank you, Universe, for the lumps. I’m not sure just yet what they’re all meant to teach me, but I’m grateful for the opportunity to learn. Thank you!

Speaking of smooth sailing, Lynn and I have signed up for sailing lessons. We’ve both wanted to sail, and I found a weekend course locally, so that’s something to look forward to. Lot’s of sunscreen, of course!

And, thank you, dear reader, for indulging me today.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *